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The Other Side of Failure


It's time to not only learn from failure but also celebrate it. Thanks to the success of startup entrepreneurs and the experienced Venture Capitalists willing to risk failure while making their bets has made failure an interesting proposition. The startups (and entrepreneurs) have been upfront in acknowledging their failure and not having a clue about what exactly needed to be done before striking gold much to the cheer of it supporters. Everybody loves such stories of failures who went on to be successful. Eulogies are being written and plesantaries are being exchanged celebrating the inevitability of failure and importance of learning from it. There is no point denying that. However this just happens to be one side of failure. The brighter side if you may call it. There also happens to be another side of failure.
The other side unfortunately is dark, ignored and unwanted. Nobody ever likes to own it. For failure here is an anathema. It's something to be feared and avoided. There is no escaping the penalty and punishment if you have failed. It's a taboo best kept behind the closed doors.
Before you rush to conclusions I would like you to answer the following questions honestly. Remember the old adage to thine thy own self be true.
  1. When was the last time someone congratulated you for failing? Or was it the other way round getting penalised/punished?
  2. How many times have you hidden your failure and not even acknowledged it for the fear of being ostracised?
  3. When was the last time you proudly spoke about failure and owned it?
  4. Has an organisation ever launched a venture or product with the intention of failing?
  5. Did you ever appear for an interview with an intention of failing? How have the reactions been when you have failed to crack one interview after another?
  6. Would you recruit a person who has had a major failure / been a failure? When was the last time you actually did so? Ever?
  7. Remember the contest / competition you were sure you would win and did not..were you really happy with the outcome?
The questions may appear simple but answers should come as a wake up call. A call to face the home truth  about how the odds are stacked against failure. The outcomes of failure can also be disastrous.
Failure may lead to depression. Given the huge pressures one is under to achieve success failure automatically becomes a taboo. Nobody ever wants to talk about it because the fear of being seen as a failure despite the signs being evident is much more threatening than the actual joy of succeeding.  The only escape route left then is to get under the covers in bed and lock yourself away from the world. And more probably do your best to keep it hidden.
Failure may lead to more failure. It does happen. The more failure is because of self belief being challenged and shattered confidence. Why me? How could I fail? What's wrong with me? I have never failed before then why now? Will I fail again too?
Failure to look beyond. Over the course of failure you fail to see anything beyond the failure. Suddenly  failure is all that you see. There are chances you may start believing failure is permanent and its the end of the road. Moving forward seems like finding needle in a haystack.
Failure. Nah. Everything is fine. It is your problem and you need to deal with it. Why trouble someone else when you can solve it by yourself (if really you could)? So you do your best to make it look like picture perfect. Change the topic of conversation and avoid social gatherings. It becomes challenging task hiding and protecting your dark secret.
Failure leads to insecurity. You start doubting your decisions and are never quite sure if it is the right step forward.
Not to forget strained relationships with family, sleep disorders, frustration, shame, pain and agony all waiting to take their toll on you because of the failure. Unfortunately, rarely does someone comes out of the closet to acknowledge the dark side of failure. Its hard enough to talk about it in normal life. Not being able to talk about it just compounds the pressure.
It's not that I don't believe in the bright side of learning from failure and celebrating it. However we definitely need to make a note of the dark side of failure and acknowledge it. Come out of the closet and talk openly about it. Try and address the pain and shame associated with it.
Till that happens here are few pointers that may help you walk through the dark side of failure
  1. Accept and acknowledge failure. It's not bad to fail. Rather, own it.
  2. Journal everyday. Its not bad to pen down a few words about having failed and asses what you have learned so that you don't make the same mistakes again.
  3. Always remember failure is not permanent and there is nothing wrong with failure. However there is everything wrong not trying again.
  4. Change the way you think about failure. Take responsibility of your thoughts.
  5. Talk to people - a friend, mentor or family.
  6. Re-focus your time and energy on next objective. Don't just give up.
  7. Remind yourself of your achievements. If you had done it then, you can do it now too.
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